The Hangover: 4D Style
by IloveImpacts
Summary: A 'The Morning After' and 'Flashback' fic. The gang wake up on a Sunday morning after a night of heavy drinking and all have different stories about the events of the night before. Nick and Jess gradual relationship, hilarious antics. Rated M.
1. Prologue

**The Hangover: 4D Style**

_**Summary :-**_

_A 'The Morning After' and 'Flashback' fic._

_The gang wake up on a Sunday morning after a night of heavy drinking and all have different stories about the events of the night before._

_**Disclaimer :-**_

_I do not own 'New Girl' or any of the recognisable characters._

_Rating is 'M' for comedic comments, sexual innuendo and drunken antics._

_This doesn't really apply to any given episode of the show, I'm just using the characters that I want, so it's somewhat A/U, because we're behind in the UK anyway._

_This will be a multi-chapter story and it's just a bit of fun!_

_**Characters :-**_

_Jess_

_Nick_

_Schmidt_

_Winston _

_Chaz_

_Fife_

_Sutton_

_Brorie_

_CeCe_

_Remy_

_**Prologue**_

_**What…?**_

_**Jess**_

Jess woke with a start and shot up in her bed, quickly shielding her eyes from the blaring sunlight that was streaming in through the slight gap of her muted yellow curtains.

She frowned and groaned when she felt the pounding in between her eyes, and mentally reminded herself about how stupid she was for thinking she could avoid a hangover at the age of thirty when getting drunk with people _very nearly _half your age.

She threw her stuffy blankets from her body and went to her full length mirror, sighing loudly.

Her feet were covered in plastic bags and loosely tied with hair ties at her ankles, they made the most horrendous noise when she moved.

Her black wool tights were ripped at the knees and she had a long hockey jersey on that ended just above her knees.

She frowned, wondering whose jersey she was wearing. It certainly wasn't hers, and she had never seen her roommates wear it.

Jess continued her examination and gasped, lightly, when she saw her face.

Mascara was smudged under her eyes and her lips were still stained slightly from the plum lipstick, that she had put on last night.

Her round, barrel hairbrush was matted in her hair, and she let out a moan of self pity when she realised the only way it was going to be coming out of it's mangled mess was with the help of a pair of scissors.

She tried pulling anyway.

She was hit with random flashes of the night before; of how much she had, had to drink and how Nick had tried to pry the hair brush out of her hair only a couple of hours ago.

Her phone buzzed, and she turned back to her mess of a bedroom, looking under piles of clothes and in drinking glasses that were lined up on her dresser, for reasons unbeknownst to her.

It continued to buzz and she continued to search, pulling her bedding on to the floor and making more of a mess on top of the mess.

She sat on the edge of her bed and listened intently; which was difficult giving the throbbing and pumping of her brain; for her phone.

The sound was muted but it was near.

Jess slid off the bed down to the floor and reached, blindly, under her bed, rolling a wine bottle out from under, with her phone inside.

She stood up and shook her head and left her room, heading for the living room, with the wine bottle in hand.

_**Schmidt**_

"Good morning, Sunshine."

Schmidt shot up with wide eyes, and came face to face with his neighbour Chaz who was sitting on a coffee table in front of him, dressed in pyjamas, although he was probably too cool to own pyjamas.

He looked around and saw he was in the neighbouring apartment and that he had fallen asleep on their couch.

"What…?" he started, slowly.

Chaz patted him on the shoulder and gave him a sympathetic smile when he saw the look of confusion on his face and put a cup of coffee on the table for him, before leaving the room.

Schmidt put his head in his hands, rubbing his forehead, softly.

He stood up and caught his reflexion in the glass of the window and he raised his eyebrows at his attire.

He was clad in a short, tight, blue sequined dress and white socks that were high on his shins and his fanciest dress shoes that he had worn to work the morning before.

Spinning around, -winching as he felt a sting in the small of his back- to glance at himself from all angles, he pursed his lips. "Turquoise is really not my colour." he grimaced and adjusted the top of the dress so it was straighter.

Holding his head up high, despite the circumstances, he turned on his heel to the front door and limped back to his own apartment.

_**Nick**_

Nick rolled over in bed, frowning as the sun hit him square in the eyes, and he sat up against the wall behind his bed.

Feeling unbearably hot, he pushed the covers off his legs and raised his eyebrows at his legs that were covered in numerous amounts of post it notes of lots of different colours.

He smirked and shook his head, looking over to his left where a lump was formed under the covers on the other side of the bed.

His eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously. "No, no, no, no, no, no." he chanted quietly, and looked around for evidence as to who he was sharing his bed with.

There were no discarded clothes strewn across objects in the room, not even any shoes, and he was still fully clothed from the night before and covered in paper.

The last thing he needed was to have slept with some random woman last night, and then have to go through the awkward, morning after conversation.

Especially if he didn't even know her name!

He took a deep breath and gently peeled the cover back and let out a huge sigh of relief when he saw nobody was there, but his relief was quickly replaced with confusion at the object beside him.

Lying next to him was a statue of a naked female cut off at the waist with a plaque, and instead of a woman's head, above the neck, was the head of a fish.

Nick's eyebrows scrunched together.

The plaque read, 'Fishing For Compliments' and he pursed his lips.

As he continued to examine it he saw an arrow pointing to the nipple on the left breast.

He looked around the room and then shrugged and pushed it.

"You are a capable individual who can achieve whatever you so desire." a seductive voice spoke through the mouth of the fish head.

Nick raised his eyebrows and then grinned. "I can achieve whatever I so desire!" he said, loudly, in to the empty room, and with that he hopped off the bed and left his room, with a newly optimistic attitude.

_**Winston**_

Winston stood at the bottom of his bed holding a small mirror to his hip, close to tears.

He had woken up ten minutes ago to a stinging sensation on his hip when he had rolled over in bed, and when he lowered his underwear to see the small square of a white band-aid on his skin, he had of course, hurriedly ripped it off, yelping, in the process.

He positioned the mirror at different angles but it made no difference, the mark still remained there, where it would remain forever.

How drunk must he have been last night to actually get a tattoo of a top hat on his hip?!

Throwing the mirror on his bed in exasperation, he looked at how he was dressed.

He had no pants on just a pair of swimming trunks on top of his underwear, which was unusual.

What was even more bizarre was the fact he was wearing a fancy dress shirt that had crinkled at some point in the evening, and a black bow tie.

He looked around his room and saw a small cake with the figure of two brides on the top, resting on his laptop, on his desk, with it sides looking deflated after being stored on the heated computer, for God knows how long last night.

Winston frowned, at the small figurines of the brides.

Picking up the cake, he briskly went to his door, but winced when the material of his underwear connected with his sore hip.

Taking a deep breath he opened his door and headed for the living room.


	2. You Think Your Morning Was Bad?

**The Hangover: 4D Style**

_**Chapter One**_

_**You Think Your Morning Was Bad…**_

Jess twirled the wine bottle in her hands, blowing the air out from her cheeks.

She was sitting on the couch in the, currently, empty living room wondering what she could put the bottle in to smash it so she could retrieve her phone without damaging the super sensitive screen in the process.

She had gone to the cupboard in search of aspirin and found that they were completely out, and now she had to suffer through the intensity of her hangover without them like some kind of 'no drugs at all' hippy.

The plastic bags were still on her feet as she just didn't think she could bend down to take them off without throwing up, but as long as she was absolutely still and they made no noise she was fine with it.

She racked her brain, trying to remember the events of last night.

Sighing loudly, she put the bottle on the coffee table in front of her.

Saturday nights were often the same every week, with her doing nothing but maybe meeting up with Sam or going to Nick's bar with Schmidt and Winston.

Last night, however, had been… eventful.

The details were fuzzy and she would need her roommates to fill in some of the blanks, but she did know that she had been drinking a lot of wine and Chaz's 'special cocktails' and that a scavenger hunt had taken place, in which the four roommates had been in a race with their teen neighbours to get as many things on the list as possible.

Jess wasn't sitting alone for long when she heard whistling, getting louder and louder, which caused her to close her eyes and rub her temples in frustration.

"Good morning." Nick said, oddly cheerful, as he appeared from the hall.

Feeling irritated by his cheery attitude while she felt terrible, she snapped. "Shut up." she muttered.

"Okay…" Nick murmured, sitting next to her on the couch, letting out a sigh as he settled in.

He studied her, taking in her attire and he raised his eyebrows and nodded. "You look… nice… kind of like a college dirty stop out." he looked at her feet. "Like a _homeless_, college dirty stop out." he tried, again.

Jess nodded and smirked. "Yep. Coincidentally, do you know who this football jersey belongs to?" she asked, playing with the hem.

Nick shook his head. "That's a hockey jersey." he corrected her.

She leaned back, closer to him, so she could look at him and shrugged.

They both turned their heads when they heard the front door open and gaped, slightly, when Schmidt entered wearing a dress.

He didn't say anything as he shut the door behind him, just walked over to the other side of the couch to join them.

They waited a good thirty seconds for him to offer up some kind of explanation as to his current state of dress but he just slid further in to the couch.

Nick eventually broke the silence in typical fashion. "Hey, pretty woman, you want to explain why you're dressed like your Mom?" he asked.

Schmidt finally looked in their direction and frowned. "My mother is a very stylish woman," he said, defensively, and then continued. "She subscribes to all the best Jewish fashion magazines."

Nick rolled his eyes.

"I got to say," Schmidt started. "I never thought I'd feel so free just swinging about, but that breeze is something I could start my day with for the rest of my life." he smirked.

"Jar." Jess and Nick said in unison.

Schmidt rolled his eyes now, and went to say something but was interrupted by a semi-hysterical Winston. "I got a tattoo!" he yelled.

Jess rubbed her head again and Schmidt smirked. "Yeah, I've never seen someone cry so much." he laughed, quietly.

Winston sat on the couch and glared at Schmidt. "Why would you let me get a tattoo of a top hat on my hip?" he said.

Schmidt frowned. "You were all for getting the tattoo, in fact it was your idea."

Winston's eyes grew wider. "I was wasted, I'm gonna have this for the rest of my life, my question to you is why didn't any of you stop me?" he glared at his roommates.

"I wasn't there." Nick defended, and then said. "My question to you is, why did you get it on your hip, that is such a womanly place to get a tattoo." he laughed, and looked at Schmidt and Jess for them to join in but they just stared back at him.

Jess turned to her hysterical friend and was about to offer him some sympathetic words but was distracted by the cake in his lap. "Why do you have the top tier of a wedding cake?" she asked.

He shrugged. "It was on the scavenger list, thing."

She shook her head. "No, you were supposed to get the figurines at the top of the cake, the _cake topper_." she stressed.

Winston nodded and held up the tier. "Yeah I got the toppa' the cake!" he said.

"Topp_er _not top _of_!" she glared.

He raised his eyebrows and then shrugged it off. "There were like nine levels of cake, I doubt they really need this one." he reasoned, peeling off a piece of melted icing and putting it in his mouth.

Jess closed her eyes and groaned. "I wish yesterday had never happened, I had the day from hell."

_**Jess' Flashback**_

_Jess was rushing around the apartment half dressed, trying hurriedly to get ready in time for a job interview that she had to be at right now._

_She had over slept because Nick had taken her alarm clock and taped it to the base of the TV as a temporary stand because he had broken the actual stand three weeks ago while wrestling for the remote with Schmidt._

_Running in to the bathroom, she yelled, loudly. "Nick!"_

_Nick pulled the shower curtain over slightly so she could see his face. "Jess, you know how I feel about people trying to have a conversation with me while I'm in the shower." he whined, brashly over the sound of the running water._

"_The 'in the shower' part is redundant, you're so anti-social, all the time." she rolled her eyes._

_Nick gritted his teeth in frustration. "What do you want, Jessica?"_

_Jess shook her head, getting back to the matter at hand. "I need my car keys, I'm already super late for my job interview and it takes a good ten minutes to get my car running, anyway." she sighed._

_Nick nodded. "They're in the pocket of my light brown pants, they're on the floor in my room." he said, disappearing behind the shower curtain._

_Jess spun around on her heel and jogged to Nick's bedroom._

_She gasped and rolled her eyes in exasperation when she opened the door to see piles and piles of clothes on the floor and over ten pairs of beige coloured pants._

"_Who has so many pairs of neutral coloured pants?" she wondered out loud._

_She quickly searched through the mess and pockets, finally getting lucky on the sixth pair, finding her keys._

_With that she ran back through the loft; nearly bumping in to a distraught looking Schmidt, who zoomed past her. _

_She picked up her jacket and purse and ran out the front door and headed to her car_.

"If I had a dollar for every time I have been late for work because, Nick, has stolen something from me, I would have enough money to buy him his own damn stuff." Winston said.

Nick scowled. "I don't steal, I borrow, I always get you guys' consent before I _borrow_ stuff."

Winston nodded. "You're right, I forgot that I _gave you my consent_ to borrow my underwear." he said, sarcastically.

"That's not that bad, Jess." Nick said.

Jess shook her head. "I wasn't finished."

_**Jess' Flashback Continued**_

_When she finally made it to her interview, after shooing 'Outside Dave' off her car, she checked her watch and saw that she had a few minutes to mentally prepare herself._

_The waiting room was empty; with the exception of the elderly receptionist behind the counter._

_She looked up over the top of her computer monitor and addressed Jess in an almost rude tone. "Jessica Day."_

_Jess stood up and made her way across the waiting room and in to the office._

_The office door was already open, so she knocked, lightly, to get the attention of her potential employer, who currently had his feet propped up on the desk, casually, reading a copy of 'Fifty Shades of Grey'_

_He placed the book down on the desk in front of him with his eyebrows raised and a soft shake of his head and gestured for her to take the seat opposite him._

_He stood up briefly to shake her hand and then took his seat again._

_His office was bland, and the complete opposite of Jess' style, he had no photographs, no posters, all he had was a novelty mug with a picture of two dogs humping on it._

_She was slightly taken aback by his attire, consisting of a pale blue button down shirt that was definitely too small, and plaid, beige coloured pants, that didn't go at all._

_Although she appreciated his individuality._

"_Can I ask you a question, Miss Day?" he asked, politely, after she sat down._

_She nodded. "Of course."_

_He picked up the book and held it up. "Have you ever read this book?"_

_Jess sucked in the air through her teeth -a gesture she did when she was made uncomfortable- "Uh…"_

_Throwing the book back down on the desk, he sighed. "My wife told me I have to read it, as I'm not," he made an air quote motion with his fingers. "adventurous enough." He rolled his eyes._

_Jess' eyes widened, slightly. "Mr Lewis…" she started, only for him to interrupt her with an outburst._

"_I mean, what does she want? They should rename this book 'Fifty Shades of Feeders' Is she hungry?" he threw his hands up, exasperated._

_She opened her mouth to try and respond, somehow, but he yet again interrupted her._

"_I was born with a heart murmur, do you think these… activities will affect that? Because it seems like it would" he leaned in closer, waiting for her response._

_Jess pursed her lips and then looked around the room. "Are my being filmed?" _

Nick frowned. "What the hell was the job?"

Jess shrugged. "For some computer work, or something, I got out of there when he started reading me extracts, so I didn't get the full details"

Schmidt finally spoke up from the other side of the couch. "You think you had a bad start to your day yesterday, Jess, my day was Earth-shattering, and not in a good way." He raised his eyebrows.

_**Schmidt's Flashback**_

_Schmidt stood before his full length mirror in the corner of his bedroom, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts, admiring his stature. _

_He let out a small laugh. "You look good, dog." he said to himself._

_Turning back to his rack of expensive, designer suits, he proceeded to take his 'Weekend Suit' off the rack, which he was excited about, because it only came off the rail when he had a big presentation; and placed in neatly on his bed._

_He pushed his arms through the sleeves of a pristine, white, button down shirt, and then reached for his pants._

_After pulling them up he went to zip up the fly and do up the button, but was stopped short by a pinching sensation throughout his waist line._

_Twisting around awkwardly, he frowned, and started pacing around the room, spinning around and shimmying, but his pants still felt snug._

_He threw his bedroom door open, and ran past the kitchen and lounge area, nearly colliding with Jess, who was slipping her shoes and jacket on near the front door, and ran in to the bathroom._

_He jogged to the scales on the floor by the towel rails and he bit his lip to bite back a sob. _

_Schmidt yelled. "I've gained eight pounds in a Month!"_

"Are you serious?!" Jess, exclaimed.

Nick followed with, "He's so over-dramatic about everything." and Winston rolled his eyes.

Schmidt leaned forward on the couch. "I've been having a stressful time, and last month I ate some tiger bread, that I am very ashamed of, I need to move on from CeCe, otherwise next month I'll end up looking like Nick." he looked at Nick, who was frowning. "Maybe in two months time." he corrected and with that he got up and walked to the kitchen.

Nick stood up to follow Schmidt to the kitchen, talking over his shoulder as he went. "My day wasn't so great either."

Jess rolled her eyes. "Your day is never great, your life is just full of _bad days_." she said, somewhat sarcastically.

"That's very true." Winston nodded in agreement.

Nick shook his head. "Yesterday…" he trailed off, with a sad shake of his head.

_**Nick's Flashback**_

_Nick stood behind the bar, grateful for the quietness, and the lack of fights and drink throwing, and pulled out the scratcher, from his back pocket, that he had purchased on his way to work that morning._

_He placed it on the bar in front of him, and then rummaged through his other pockets looking for a coin._

_He began scratching the card, with a deep frown as number after number came up._

_$5000, $100,000, $50, $1,00000, $5000, $50..._

_Nick scratched, quicker, and then shook the card to see the rest of the numbers._

_His eyes widened and he let out a disbelieving squeal. "I just won $5000 on a scratcher!" he yelled, in to the nearly empty bar._

_Nick kissed the scratcher and put it down on the bar and sighed, elated._

_An elderly man sat at the bar and grabbed his hand. "Congrats on your win, son." he held up his glass. "Hey, can I get another?" he asked._

_Nick nodded and grinned. "Thanks, this is on me, I'm rich!" with that he turned around to make the man another drink._

"_Here, you-" he turned around to find nobody sitting at the bar._

_He frowned, and looked down to see his scratcher was gone._

_Nick gasped loudly, and shouted after him, as he caught him slipping out the doors, quickly. "Hey!"_

_Taking off after him, he chased him through busy traffic, getting clipped in the side a couple of times and getting chicken-legged by a cab._

"_This is not cool, man!" he screamed after him, as he chased him through the park._

_His lungs began to burn, and the shooting pain in his side crippled him, so he had to stop and catch his breath on the nearest bench._

"_I hate people!" he panted and sobbed._

"I was rich for a good minute." Nick said, with a sad smile.

Jess and Winston had followed their roommates to the kitchen and Jess sat beside Nick, and put her arm on his back in comfort. "Well if karma is real, he probably got hit by something when he cashed it in." she tried to soothe him.

Nick nodded, appreciatively.

Winston let out a insensitive chuckle. "What kind of idiot turns his back on a winning scratcher in a bar at eleven o'clock in the morning?"

Nick glared at him.

"Respectable people don't drink in the morning, Nick!"

Nick let out a noise, somewhere between a gasp and a laugh at his friend's tactlessness and looked at Schmidt who was shaking his head at him.

"You missed out on $5000 because an _old man _out run you." he rolled his eyes. "I think it's time you finally addressed your weight issues, Nicholas."

Nick looked at Jess, and she just shook her head, and gave him a reassuring smile.

Winston tapped the table. "Well unlike you, I got to spend my morning in bed, that's why I love working night shifts." he smirked, getting up, and everybody else rolled their eyes.

He stopped behind Nick and pulled one of the post it notes from his back. "Who are Marguerite and Vince?" he asked, frowning.

Nick turned around and took the note from him and answered, "They're swingers." at the same time Jess said, "A very nice, mature couple, who like to swing from time to time."

Winston shook his head. "What the hell happened last night?"

They all shrugged, and then Nick added. "You all look super hung-over."

"We did drink a lot, how are you not crippled over in pain, right now?" Jess asked him.

Nick shrugged. "I don't really get hangovers."

Winston nodded. "It's a mystery." he said, sarcastically.


	3. Young At Heart

**The Hangover: 4D Style**

_**Thank you all very much for the reviews, and I'm glad that I made you giggle, that was my goal!**_

_**Here's chapter two, chapter three might be up tomorrow!**_

_**P.S. I HAVE NOT SEEN SEASON THREE AS I LIVE IN THE UK, NOR HAVE I HAD ANY SPOILERS (VERY PROUD OF MYSELF) I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO SCHMIDT PICKED, IF ANY.**_

_**Chapter Two**_

_**Young At Heart**_

_**Saturday 3PM**_

_**Jess**_

Jess dragged her feet along the hall to the loft, letting her bag tow across the sticky carpet along side her, not caring about what it had got caught in a couple of times as she strolled.

After her disastrous interview a couple of hours ago, she had driven to CeCe's to vent about how pathetic her life currently was, and how she would never find another job.

When she got to the front door, she picked her bag up and opened it to dig around and look for her front door keys.

She started to get frustrated when she realised they were not in the usual zip compartment on the side, and threw the bag on the floor and kneeled down next to it, so she could have a proper rummage.

She let out a big sigh of exasperation when she remembered that she had placed them down on her jewellery box, and in a hurry this morning had forgotten to pick them up, again.

Racking her brain, she tried to decide where she could go to get another set of keys.

She could go downstairs and ask Remy to let her in… but then again she didn't think she had the momentum to politely decline his invitations or advances.

Schmidt's office was pretty far away, and she knew he had some big assignment on or something along those lines…

Nick doesn't own a set of keys, which had suited him fine because he's never needed them… yet…

Jess checked her watch and saw that it had just gone three o'clock, meaning that Winston would be home, and for the first time, she was happy to remember, he had an 'adjusted schedule' because he worked late night shifts.

Standing up, she dusted herself off, and then knocked on the door repeatedly and called out for her roommate. "Winston!"

She stopped knocking and waited a good thirty seconds before hammering the door with her fist again. "Winston, it's Jess, I left my keys inside, let me in!" she shouted.

Hearing a door open behind her, she turned around and saw her neighbour leaning against his doorframe, with a mixing bowl in his arms, which he casually dipped his finger in, to eat it's contents.

"Heeeeey, Jess." He said, slowly, which matched his calm and rather lazy demeanour.

"Hey, Chaz." she threw him a small smile, and then proceeded to knock the door, loudly.

"Winston!" she yelled.

"Hey," she turned around when she heard Chaz call out. "Is Winston, the Jew, the black guy, or the angry old man?" he asked.

She answered straight away. "The black one."

He nodded. "He's not there, you just missed him."

Jess sighed and her shoulders slumped.

Chaz opened the door further, and Jess could hear music and laughing from inside. "You wanna chill with us? We're watching re-runs and eating Fife's special brownies." he winked at her.

She frowned, and then nodded, resigned, and then walked towards him. "I do like brownies." she said.

Chaz put his arm around her shoulders as they entered the apartment. "We all do." he said, leaving the front door open behind them.

_**Saturday 4PM**_

_**Schmidt**_

Schmidt arrived back at the apartment building, and he was not happy, to say the least.

He had, had the day from Hell.

First of all, he had gained weight, because he was stressed, that the woman he was in love with was on a hunt for a suitable and reliable Indian husband, which she would undoubtedly find.

Second of all, he had jarred his back, trying to pick up files and plastic pockets off of the floor, which wasn't easy considering how slippery they were.

All he wanted to do, was to relax and wind down, and if he didn't wind down fast enough he would just get stupidly drunk, instead.

_**Saturday 4PM**_

_**Jess**_

Jess stood at her neighbours' kitchen counter, sipping her fourth 'Special Cocktail'

She sighed. "I had the worst day today, you guys, I had a job interview that went so badly, I think I'm scarred for life." she shook her head.

Brorie leaned against the counter and chewed her gum slowly. "You should work for yourself, Jess, like what I'm doing, I'm branching out, starting my own business of eco friendly shoes, called 'E-Booties'"

Jess' eyes lit up. "That sounds like such a great idea!" she said with genuine excitement.

_**Saturday 4PM **_

_**Schmidt Continued**_

When the elevator doors opened on the floor of the loft, Schmidt walked out in to the hallway, and paused when he heard, loud laughter and then Jess' excited Squeal.

He frowned and made his way, slowly -because of his back- to the neighbours' apartment and peered in through the door to see Jess standing on a coffee table, with plastic bags on her feet, attempting various poses, while holding a brownie in one hand and a drink in the other.

"I love these boots, it's like, you know, when are my going to get eco-friendly shoes with the satisfaction of feeling gravel under my feet but is going to keep me toasty in the cold and dry when it rains?" she threw her arms up.

Brorie smiled and nodded. "Obviously this is a prototype, the real product is going to be a little more customized, and they're all going to be green. That's my theme."

Jess gasped. "There are so many different shades of green!"

She began trying different poses and spinning around but stopped short when she saw Schmidt leaning against the doorway. "Schmidt!" she sang out.

He nodded, once. "What are you doing?" he asked.

Jess jumped off the coffee table and skipped over to him, holding out her brownie. "Eating brownies and drinking Fife's cocktails." she shrugged.

Schmidt took the brownie from her and sniffed it and let out a small laugh. "Maybe you should stop eating these and go home." he said.

He looked at her wide eyes and she attempted to catch the straw with her lips, and failed repeatedly.

"And maybe get some sleep."

"I locked myself out!" she laughed.

He nodded. "Come on, Jess, my back is killing me." he hunched over slightly, and rubbed the small of his back.

He was about to leave when he heard Chaz speak behind him. "Oh, oh, Grandpa says it's time to stop having fun." he snickered.

Schmidt raised his eyebrows, paused for a couple of seconds and then took Jess' brownie, finishing it, and then washed it down with some of the cocktail she had been holding.

He limped inside. "I'll show you how to have fun." He drank the rest of the liquid. "Schmidt style!"

_**6PM**_

Jess, Schmidt, Brorie, Sutton and Chaz all sat huddled on the couch, while Fife stood in front of them, performing various tricks with a pack of playing cards.

It would be an understatement to say they were just slightly intoxicated at this point in time, which was still early.

"And for my final trick," Fife started picking up a wine bottle and held his hand out to Jess. "Can I have the lady's phone?"

Jess quickly gave up her phone, wide eyed.

Fife made a lot of grand gestures with his hands, with a serious magician expression, turned around, and then with a loud thud, turned back around with Jess' phone in the wine bottle.

She gasped and then clapped.

"Amazing." Schmidt said, transfixed.

Fife handed Jess the wine bottle and then bowed.

_**7:30 PM**_

Nick slowly strolled to the elevator, with his hoodie slung over his shoulder, with a resigned and angry expression on his face.

He couldn't wait to get inside the loft, drink, watch TV and then sleep until tomorrow, so he could put this crappy day behind him, and start again tomorrow.

He reached the apartment and tried to open the door, to find it was locked.

Groaning, he ran his hands down his face quickly and then knocked the door. "Jess!"

"What?"

He spun around to see Jess across the hall, leaning on the door frame.

He frowned. "I need to… what are you doing?" he asked.

She held her glass up. "Your favourite thing; drinking." she grinned. "Come on." she raised her hand and beckoned him.

Nick shook his head. "No, no, we…live…here, Jessica." he said slowly, pointing at the front door, making his point.

Jess rolled her eyes. "Schmidt's here, come on, have some fun for a change."

He raised his eyebrows, ready to demand her keys from her, but sighed instead and walked towards her, taking the glass she now held out for him, and downed the entire contents, and then pulled a face.

"That is disgusting."

_**8:30**_

Nick and Jess sat at the kitchen counter, laughing for no apparent reason.

"So where's Doctor Sam?" Nick asked, or rather, slurred, suddenly.

Jess shrugged around her straw. "Working, I haven't spoken to him today." she said.

He nodded, and rested his forearms on the counter. "How are things going, there?" he asked, after a brief pause.

She frowned. "Fine…" she said slowly.

Nick snorted. "Just fine?"

Jess narrowed her eyes and was about to answer but was interrupted by Chaz who put his arms around her shoulders, and thrust a piece of paper in her face. "Scavenger hunt?" he asked.

The two friends looked at each other and frowned, while Chaz elaborated. "My friend just e-mailed me this 'around town Scavenger Hunt' list, I say we make it to a competition, we'll split up in to two teams of four, first ones back get to decide on what they want from the other team." he raised his eyebrows.

Nick frowned. "There's only three of us."

Chaz rolled his eyes. "Get your other friend." With that he put the sheet down on the counter, and Schmidt soon joined them, sitting on the stool and wincing in the process.

"Listen, we need to win this Scavenger Hunt thing, prove to these," he raised his voice. "kids, that age really is just a number." he smirked.

Nick shook his head. "No, it's already after eight, and I really can not be bothered to wander around Town and," he pulled the piece of paper towards him. "sing a Celine Dion song at a Karaoke bar." he rolled his eyes.

Jess nodded, and pushed her glasses up her nose. "Yeah, Schmidt, even for us, this is just pointless and stupid, this is even more idiotic than last week when we tried to detox, Nick, using a self help book that you found on the street." she sneered.

Schmidt rolled his eyes.

Chaz spoke up behind them. "Hey, if it's too late for you guys we understand, you're way past the having fun stage, anyway."

Schmidt looked back at his roommates, pleading with them, silently, but they shook their heads, no.

"If you don't do this, I will never clean the apartment, ever again!" he hissed.

Nick laughed. "Of course you will, you hate mess!"

Schmidt shrugged and then slapped the table. "You'll do this or I'll tell everyone what happened our first Christmas in College." he grinned.

Nick gritted his teeth. "Let's go get Winston." he said, getting up quickly, and heading to the door, followed by Schmidt.

Jess frowned. "What happened at Christmas?"

_**9:00**_

By nine they had gotten in to a cab after collecting Winston from his new girlfriend's house, giving him a brief summary of their current situation.

He wasn't pleased, but after some blackmailing from Schmidt and his girlfriend giving him the all clear to go, he was huddled in to the back of the cab between Nick and Jess.

Schmidt turned in his seat and handed Nick a copy of the Scavenger list.

"I think we can get this list done faster if we split up and go in groups of two, I'll go with Winston, and you can go with Jess." he said.

Nick nodded. "Okay, Fred."

He rolled his eyes. "We'll keep in contact by phone, I've highlighted what you guys have to do," he turned to Jess. "and, Jess, find some shoes." he glared at her.

She shook her head and frowned. "Brorie shredded them." she shrugged.

The cab pulled over to the curb outside 'Clyde's' and the gang got out after Schmidt paid the driver.

"Okay, let's go kids." he said, ushering Winston one way, as Nick put his hand on the small of Jess' back and took her the opposite way.


	4. 7 Get A Student To Buy You A Drink

**The Hangover: 4D Style**

_**Disclaimer :-**_

_There is a reference to a book I read by Harlan Coben, which I also do not own**_

_**Chapter Three**_

_**#7 Get A Student To Buy You A Drink **_

_**Nick and Jess**_

Nick and Jess sat on stools near the doors of a random bar they had stumbled in to after walking a couple of blocks from where they parted ways with their roommates.

Nick hadn't wanted to go to 'Clyde's' because he had been working there earlier on in the day, and didn't want to go back in, understandably, given he was mugged by an old man and clipped by a car running after him that very morning away from his own work place.

"Okay," Jess started, adjusting her glasses and picking up her wine glass and taking a sip from it. "what's our first mission?"

Taking the sheet of paper out of his pocket Nick unfolded it quickly, and placed it on the bar in-between them.

"Get a student to buy you a drink." he frowned.

Jess shook her head. "Students are so cheap, how are we gonna do that?"

Nick looked over at her. "What do you mean 'we' you're the one that's gotta get the drink, Jess."

Her eyebrows creased and she laughed once without humour. "Why me?"

He gestured at her and raised his eyebrows. "Look at you, you can still pass for someone who's in college, and you're practically picturesque!" he rolled his eyes.

Jess eye's widened and she gasped, quietly. "Nick, that is the nicest thing you've ever said to me, and even though I know you're drunk, I'm still gonna accept it as a compliment!"

He grinned and nodded. "Plus you have breasts." he pointed at her chest for emphasises.

She shook her head and frowned, and then hopped off the stool. "How do you spot a student?" she pondered, pursing her lips.

Nick grabbed her shoulders and spun her around to face the booths toward the back, and pointed at a group of teenagers. "There's your students."

Jess pushed her glasses up her nose, and spied a guy with a beanie hat on and a pronounced stain on the front of his creased, white shirt, a girl with big glasses on and a shirt with a '**YOLO**' slogan that Jess didn't understand on.

"Okay, here I go." she winked.

Nick shook his head, with a small smile on his face as he watched her leave, the plastic bags making a rustling sound as she went.

_**Jess**_

Jess sat at the booth with a group of twenty one year olds, and had been for the past twenty five minutes, trying to worm her way in, and gain a free drink in the process.

"So how old are you?" The girl who had introduced herself as Lauren, but said her friends called her Lou - Jess didn't get it - asked.

Jess clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth. "I'm, uh, twenty two." she answered, she didn't want to push it and say twenty one.

'**YOLO**' shirt looked under the table and frowned. "What's with the footwear?" she asked.

Jess, bit the inside of her cheek and then let out a fake laugh. "You've never heard of Brorie E-Booties? Wow. You live such sheltered lives, these are in high demand, in fact Lady Gaga is designing a line for them…" she lied, convincingly, well to her it sounded convincing.

Lauren frowned. "Lady Gaga tries too hard." she rolled her eyes.

Jess sighed loudly and slouched in her seat. "Yeah, I wonder what that's like."

Jess listened to their pointless conversations about due papers and irritating professors or all the different combinations of food to eat with packet noodles with feigned interest.

Looking back toward the bar she saw Nick, pointing to his wrist.

There was no watch there but she got the message.

Sighing loudly, she twirled the stem of her glass around between her thumb and index finger. "I am- I'm a little thirsty." she said, with a breathy chuckle.

The small group continued to chit chat around her, again.

She quickly and quietly excused herself and slid out of the booth and made her way over to the bar and sidled in beside Nick.

"I failed." she sighed.

Nick shook his head around a mouthful of beer and quickly swallowed. "No, no, no, you can do this, Jess."

Jess rolled her eyes. "Why does this matter so much, you usually find this stuff stupid!"

He blew the air out from his cheeks. "I just want to beat those Hipster freaks, I hate college kids!" he ranted.

She shook her head. "Okay, how am I gonna do this, Nick, help me out a little, please!" she worried her bottom lip.

He nodded and put his hand on her shoulder and turned around, scanning the bar. "Okay, see the guy with the thick rim glasses, and the 'McLovin' T-Shirt on?" he asked.

She followed his gaze and saw the young man in question, hunched in a corner booth, looking uncomfortable and wishing he could be anywhere else in the World.

"I've clocked him."

Nick stood in front of her to look at her. "He will buy you a drink." he said confidently.

"Flirt with him a little, unbutton a bit, pout, kids like that now."

She nodded, and unbuttoned the first two buttons of her maroon, floral, sleeveless shirt dress, and pouted her already full lips, slightly.

Nick smirked, and quickly averted his eyes from her shirt. "Go get him, girl." he said, snapping his fingers in the air.

She handed him her glasses. "Do not do that again."

"Okey Dokey."

_**Nick**_

Nick watched from the end of the bar as Jess; somewhat, awkwardly, flirted with a student in a back booth.

He saw the guy nervously wipe his forehead with the back of his left hand as she threw her head back and laughed at anything remotely funny that he said.

He also noticed how she would slyly trail her fingertips from the corner of her mouth and down her long neck, slowly, taking the kids' attention and directing it… elsewhere…

Nick applauded her in his head.

The vixen.

For someone who was hopeless at flirting and anything sexual two years ago, she had come a long way, she was doing a good job, even he had to avert his gaze.

He smirked and turned back to the bartender. "Hey, can I get another?" he pointed at the empty bottle in front of him.

He nodded and took the empty bottle and went to retrieve another, as Nick reached in to his back pocket to get some cash, and found none.

Unsurprising.

He sighed and ran his hands down his face.

He could borrow some money from Jess…

Sitting up straight, he remembered that Schmidt had given him his wallet to keep hold of before they got out of the cab and had forgotten to ask for it back, when they had gotten out.

The bartender returned with his drink and Nick took the wallet from the pocket of his burgundy hoodie.

He looked inside for money but found none.

Surprisingly.

Then again maybe all of his money was in the 'Douche Bag' jar.

Nick was about to sigh again, and ask how lenient they were with tabs, when he saw Schmidt's card.

Pulling it out he held it between his thumb and index finger. "Can I pay with this?"

The bartender shrugged. "Sure." he took the card.

Nick smiled and nodded, taking a sip of his drink. "I'll pay him back."

Jess returned a good twenty minutes later with a drink in hand and took a seat next to Nick at the bar.

"Cheers." she said, tapping her glass on his bottle.

He turned towards her, fully, and raised his eyebrows. "You did it." he smiled and then added, "Nice flirting, by the way." he winked, playfully and she mouthed 'thank you' and bowed her head.

"Did you get a photo?" he asked, as an after thought.

She nodded. "I did." With that she took her phone out and brought up the photograph, of the two; the guy had his arm slung awkwardly around her shoulder and was blatantly staring at her cleavage, and she held the drink up, with a grin on her face.

Nick frowned. "He's really… attentive…"

She laughed and shrugged, sipping the drink through her bendy straw. "What's next on the list?" she asked, nodding toward his pockets.

Nick took the folded piece of paper from his pocket and smoothed it out in front of him. "Please say we don't have to leave this bar." he mumbled, trailing his eyes down the list and crossing his fingers.

"Okay," he said, nodding and pointing, swallowing, hard. "Uh, Number fourteen, 'claim to be swingers and get a willing couple's phone number." he said.

Jess swallowed her drink and slowly nodded. "Right, we've done that before, I mean the pretending to be a couple part, so… we can do this." she pursed her lips. "Right?"

Nick took a swig of his drink. "Yeah."

He pointed at her shirt. "But button up, we don't want to seem easy."

Jess frowned deeply and shook her head, and looked at the bartender. "Can I get another rosé?"

"Mhmm." he murmured, and smiled, pouring her a glass.

She went to hand over her money, but Nick placed his hand on her back. "It's on me." he smiled.

Jess nodded and gave him a small smile. "Thank you."

His hand trailed up her back slowly. "You're welcome." he said, quietly.

Her eyes darted back and forth his, before she sighed, loudly, and brought her attention to her drink. "Okay, so I think we need to work on some kind of back story, if we're gonna pretend to be a couple." she said.

Nick moved his hand from her back and nodded. "Right, uh, are we married or…" he trailed off, pursing his lips.

Jess shrugged beside him. "Married is more committed, I mean would you want to be with a couple who have only been together for a short period of time or people who have been together for say, ten years and married for five?" she asked, casually.

He nodded. "Yeah, single people are kind of, fickle, swinging gets boring, but if you're married it adds the excitement that was long gone." he tacked on.

She put her hands up. "Yeah, exactly, I mean the excitement kind of goes after, you know… a couple are together for a while and have twin five year old girls called Clarissa and Ava." she said, quickly.

Nick's eyes widened. "Whoa, kids, I don't think we're ready for that." he shook his head.

Jess gasped. "We've been together ten years, Nick, my biological clock is ticking!"

He tilted his head from side to side. "Fine, but instead of twin girls, we have twin sons called Rusty and Rocky." he grinned.

Jess shook her head. "Our kids would have the crap kicked out of them, I used to work in a school, Nick, kids are brutal, there was a girl in a class above who had a little bit of a *moustache and the kids called her XY for a whole year!*" her eyes widened. "Our kids sound like cartoon characters!"

He rolled his eyes. "Fine, uh," he glanced behind the bar and smirked. "How about Jack and Daniel, instead?" he asked.

Jess nodded and smiled, surprised. "Jack and Daniel, I can live with that, I guess."

Nick smiled, and started to get off of his stool. "Okay well we better get to it, because we left our kids with the hot twenty one year old dog walker, that lives in the apartment upstairs." he said, finishing off his beer, and took her glasses from the bar and gently pushed them up her nose.

Jess rolled her eyes and threw her hands up. "I thought we had a strong marriage, why are you eying up other women, Nick?"


	5. 13 Crash A Wedding

**The Hangover: 4D Style**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

_First of all, thank you for all of your reviews, I'm very glad you are finding this story funny!_

_Secondly, sorry for the wait, I was quite good with the first few chapters._

_And lastly, I know this is a Schmidt and Winston chapter and I know about 90% of you just read for Nick and Jess (I'm also guilty of that, and I live in the UK and am not spoiling THAT for myself) anyway, please read this because I tried to make it fun, which was hard!_

_Oh, and the bakery I mentioned is made up, if it IS real then it is purely coincidental. _

_**Chapter Four**_

_**#13 Crash a Wedding**_

_**Schmidt and Winston**_

Schmidt and Winston stood on the curb, outside of an extravagant Five Star Hotel.

"All we have to do is get in there and take the cake topper." Schmidt said, shrugging.

Winston rolled his eyes. "Great, Schmidt, I love stealing on a Saturday night, especially on someone's wedding day, while my girlfriend is at home, where _I_ could be right now." he muttered, sarcastically.

"Having sex." he added as an after thought.

Schmidt ignored him and looked toward the doors.

Loud music was emanating from the building and a few guests were stumbling in and out at times, while others got in cabs and left.

Schmidt adjusted his tie. "We need to do this quick, it's getting late, the newlyweds are going to want to consummate their marriage in a couple of hours." he said.

Winston shook his head, and put his hands in the pocket of the suit that Schmidt had made them hire just minutes ago.

They had to blend in after all.

"Let's get this over with." he sighed.

With that they walked through the entrance of the Hotel and made their way to the Event Hall, where the loud music was coming from and guests were gyrating on a packed dance floor.

They looked around and saw giant helium filled balloons with a picture of two women smiling on it and written underneath was 'Lucy and Sara 27th July 2013'

Schmidt turned to Winston and grinned. "Lesbian wedding."

Winston rolled his eyes again and they both heaved their way through, trying to be inconspicuous.

Turning around Schmidt tapped Winston's arm and pointed forward. "I can see the wedding cake, but everyone's gathered around it!" he scowled and then sighed.

Chewing on his lip for a few seconds and looking around for some inspiration -finding none- he turned back to Winston and looked around as he spoke quietly to him. "There's a joke shop around the corner," he started, putting his hand in his jacket. "Get a mask and then run in, steal the cake and meet me at the delightful bakery 'Just Like Mama Used To Bake' around the corner." he said, in a serious tone.

Winston gaped at his supposed friend, although after tonight he was sure that would not be the case. "What is wron-" he started to say, but Schmidt threw his hands in the air and groaned, loudly.

"I forgot to take my wallet from Nick, goodness knows where all my money is going right now, he's probably gambling it away as we speak, I knew I shouldn't have given him my card details." he run his hand down his face.

Winston frowned. "Why would you give _Nick_ your card details, what is wrong with you?" he asked, somewhat rhetorically.

Schmidt shook his head and ignored him, and gave a quick shrug. "Okay, plan B, I'll distract the guests while you swoop in and steal the cake topper."

"That should have been Plan A, Schmidt."

"Let's do this." he shrugged his jacket up his shoulders and made his way across the packed dance floor, making a beeline for the newlyweds.

As Winston followed behind him, he felt his jacket being tugged and was then pulled in to the arms of an inebriated bridesmaid. "Are you here for Sara or Lucy?" she slurred in his ear.

Winston's eyes grew wider. "Uh, Sara?"

The bridesmaid nodded and grinned. "I'm Sara's sister, how do you know her?" she tilted her head and sipped her drink through the straw.

"I have a roommate who is friends with a lesbian gynaecologist and they know each other, you know, lesbians, they know every other lesbian." he tried to laugh it off and hoped she would think it was reason enough to get away with.

"Sadie?" the bridesmaid asked, raising her eyebrows.

Winston just nodded in slight disbelief and wondered if lesbians really did know every other lesbian in the area.

"Beautiful wedding, so elegant." Schmidt smiled as he wandered confidently through the crowds of guests, picking up two champagne flutes off of the long buffet table.

He swiftly turned back around and craned his neck looking for his friend with a frown on his face. "That man cannot follow instructions." he rolled his eyes and continued to look, until his gaze was blocked by a tall, stocky man with an aged and flushed face.

"Who are you?" he asked, bluntly.

Schmidt paused briefly and rifled through his mind. "I'm here for, Lacy?"

It came out sounding more like a question.

The man nodded and held his hand out. "I'm Sara's father, Mark, you must be Lucy's." he said.

Schmidt frowned. "I'm thirty years old!" he exclaimed.

"What?" Mark called over the music.

Rolling his eyes, Schmidt put his hand in the older gentleman's and shook it. "I'm Lucy's father," he stopped mid sentence when he saw his friend hovering by the cake, waiting for his signal. "Winston," he called.

Mark put his hand on Schmidt's back and started pushing him toward the front of the room where the staging area was, next to the dance floor. "Well, Winston, everybody's been waiting for you speech all night, it won't be as good as my father of the bride speech, but what the hay." he chuckled, throatily.

Schmidt shook his head and tried to walk back. "No, no, I have to rehearse it, I want it to be perfect." he reasoned.

Mark pushed him up the stairs of the stage and took one of the champagne flutes from his hands. "Oh, everyone's too drunk to know whether it's good or not." he waved it off.

Schmidt nodded and took a deep breath and walked further on to the stage.

He took the mic and adjusted his tie, plastering a big grin on his face. "Hi, I'm… Winston." he caught Winston's look of confusion as he frowned, but he continued.

"Marriage," he started, pointing out to the crowd with the hand that held the champagne flute.

Winston visibly cringed, and made his way closer the cake when he saw Schmidt had everyone's attention.

"I'm actually going to recycle a little ditty that I used when I was best man at my cousin Paul's wedding four years ago." he cleared his throat and then directed his body toward the two newlyweds who looked confused, but were too intoxicated to question why a stranger was giving them a toast.

"A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking." he smiled, and then turned to the crowd. "The husband gives and the wife takes." he snorted and was met by deafening silence.

He blew the air out from his cheeks. "But of course you are two women, so neither is the husband, but I can't think of any funny quotes or anecdotes for lesbians, which doesn't even matter because you don't know me, and I don't know anyone here." Mark frowned while at the back of the room Winston rolled his eyes, as he picked up the top tier of the wedding

cake and quickly ran out of the back doors, unnoticed.

Schmidt continued to talk, forgetting about Winston and not noticing his escape. "So, which father of which bride paid for this wedding, or did you go half on everything? I don't think I'll ever get married, I told my ex-girlfriend, a model named CeCe that I loved her and wanted to marry her and put a mix raced baby inside her, but I was discarded because I am not Indian." He sucked the air in through his teeth and blinked away tears that were threatening to escape. "I won't cry." He whispered.

Schmidt shook his head quickly and then, looked at the piano in the left corner of the stage and dragged the mic over to it and took a seat, placing his glass down on top.

Lowering the mic, he spoke in to it again. "I want to play you a song from one of my favourite bands." he put his hands on the keys and began to play, closing his eyes.

"I gotta take a little time, a little time to think things over, I better read between the lines. Incase I need it when I'm older." his eyes scrunched together as he went higher. "Ohh, ahhh owoahhh."

The guests all looked at each other, some laughed while others shook their heads.

"Now this mountain I must climb." he mimicked climbing a mountain, and then quickly put his hands back on the keys. "Feels like the World upon my shoulders, through the clouds I see love shine, It keeps me warm as life gets colder." He stood up now and grabbed the mic dramatically, having to pick it up off the floor to reach his mouth, now.

"In my life, there's been heartache and pain, I don't know if I could face it again." he raised his fist.

"Can't stop now, I've travelled so far, to change this lonely life..."

He dropped to his knees suddenly and sung out, loudly. "I wanna know what love is... I want you to show me." his head flopped. "I want to feel what love is... I know you can show me." his head

shot back up and he cried out. "CeCeeeeee."

He was actually crying now.

It was at this point Winston walked back through the double door, after stashing the cake behind a big decorative vase at the Hotel lobby.

He was rubbing his hands together and grinning because he had not been caught.

Winston soon stopped short when he saw every single person in the room (including the Hotel staff) was looking toward the stage with jaws dropped.

Following their gaze he saw Schmidt laying on the stage holding a microphone and sobbing, uncontrollably, while whimpering 'CeCe'

He rolled his eyes, sighed, and pushed his way forward, wishing he lived in a World where this circumstance would be weird and not 'the norm' for him.

Pausing, he took his cell phone from his jacket pocket and put the video recorder on.

He felt bad for his friend, but if Nick or Jess heard about this, they would accept no excuse for not having it caught on film.

Five minutes later, they were sat in the backseat of a cab; Winston with the top tier of the wedding cake in his lap, and Schmidt, with red rimmed, puffy eyes, nursing two big bottles of champagne between his legs, after having snatched them from a table near the exit on the way out.

"What's next on the list?" Winston asked, softly after a few silent seconds.

Schmidt sniffed and then took the sheet of paper out of his pocket to read it, but quickly put it away before Winston could see.

"Let's go get drunk first, we still have plenty of time, and I'm sure Nick and Jess have done most of their list, anyway." he took a long swig of the champagne.

Winston eyed him, cautiously, and then shrugged, telling the taxi driver to take them to Clyde's.


End file.
